Revisiting Vulnerability

Going to get a little more personal here today.  I shot this self portrait last week since I haven’t done that in years.  I’m definitely more comfortable behind the camera, which meant it was time to confront those nervous feelings.  I’m going to be completely honest here…the range of thoughts and emotions that went through me during that 30 minutes varied widely.  Some thoughts congratulated my willingness to do this, while other thoughts were more negative towards my body type.  Some thoughts raised me up, while others tried to knock me down.  It was like I was split halfway, one part subject, one part photographer.  I allowed the photographer side to take over, eased into it more, and forgot about the negatives (ugh…photographer pun not intended).  My role as the photographer is to make the subject feel good (while geeking out over gear) so I did just that.  This was done with a timer, so there was a lot of hopping back and forth to reset the camera and look at the shots to see what I needed to adjust.  Shoulders back.  Leg a little to the left.  All that fun stuff I usually use to direct others.  By the end, I was having fun!    

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Yes, I’m aware of my body type.  And I don’t hate it anymore.  Yes, I’m aware that dropping weight will make me healthier…I’m working on it and already feeling better.  It’s been a struggle and I take full responsibility for it all.  That’s not the point of this though.  The point was to confront some things and I did.  I don’t know what I’ll look like in a year or even three months.  But this is me now.  And I accept that.  To all those that have wanted to try this and hesitated:  don’t worry.  You’re fucking fabulous 😉

Black and White Nude

I love working with a team…but I love being one on one with people too.  This young woman has been doing figure modeling on the side for quite some time…other careers have included management and the Peace Corps, and now she’s getting her Masters.  This shoot took place in just under an hour with some chatting.  I’ll show you more in an upcoming entry, but that one will require more writing time.  I love the elegance in her movements!

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Vulnerability

I’ve begun seeing the beauty in vulnerability lately, after tackling some personal issues.  I know many of my subjects feel vulnerable, especially first timers who are not accustom to being nude in front of others.  Once they settle in, however, they tend to find the experience very freeing, therapeutic even.  Since I wouldn’t ask my subjects to do anything I wouldn’t, here is my act of vulnerability…as someone who feels wayyyy more comfortable behind the camera!  An older shot, taken with film and a timer.

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Leaving Home

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This was an emotional session as it was the last shoot I did in my childhood home.  I better introduce Heather while I’m at it, as she’s a dear friend and the model I’ve worked the most consistently with.  I recruited her to help me with this project…get by with a little help from your friends, etc.  We ended up having a blast doing this so I’m glad I did.  Especially since this apartment was used in a horror movie…I’d like to immortalize the space in my own way, thanks!