Road Trip, Part 2

Road trip, day 4. Observations: Total tourist mode today. The tour guide thought the most interesting thing in the cemetery would be the resting place of Nicholas Cage, despite the fact he’s still alive. It was not. Much preferred the older, crumblier ones with the occasional leaf poking out. Ireland defeated Mexico in the genetic war for my complexion, so had to make a stop at CVS for sunscreen…the first thing you see when you walk into a New Orleans CVS is shelves and shelves of alcohol. I have a thing for scrolly ironwork and drippy vines (moms influence, I’m sure), so enjoyed the architecture. Had my obligatory beignet, and henna tattoo. Managed to convince my husband that no, we do NOT need an antique cannon to put in the bedroom. I’m more of a sword girl, really.

Road trip, day 5. Observations: Jonette, my Louisiana IHOP waitress needs to be promoted to CEO. Spunky older lady, bristling with efficiency even the most jaded of New Yorkers can appreciate. Rock on, lady. This was the least interesting day due to bad traffic, and hours of scraggly trees. Luckily, I’m easily amused and Louisiana signage was KILLING it today. “Meet Moby Foot Alligator.” Maybe next time. “Hook-ups!” I wondered if this was the billboard version of Tinder, but alas, they were referring to RVs. “Rent me!” Plastered on a giant dumpster, overflowing with trash. No thank you. I had gone two days without any sign of fireworks or adult superstores, but finally saw two of each today. My new comfort zone? Made it to Texas, and yes, did the BBQ thing for dinner…much better than chain places! The pup gobbled down the leftovers and thinks she won the lottery.

Road trip, day 6. Observations: I think Tim Burton designed some of the trees. Encountered the biggest fireworks store yet. Texas gas stations have beer caves. Saw many billboards advertising beaver nuggets…was mystified until I learned it’s a sweet corn puff snack. Husband is devastated that they aren’t made from real beaver. Turns out I don’t hate driving, I just hate other drivers anywhere near me and not going 80 on a gorgeous open highway. Desert winds are no joke. Invaded husbands navy friends house for the night. And took over their washing machine. Thanks Hollo and fam!


Road trip, day 7. Observations: cows, cows, and more cows. Several billboards advertising “The Thing” but we were rerouted so I still have no idea what it is. Raced the Union Pacific train and won. Naturally someone had to spray paint a penis on one of the cars. Super clever, bro. One of the prettiest days we’ve had so far…mountains, desert, sunset, etc. Texas may have had the biggest fireworks store, but New Mexico had the most. Settled in AZ, ordered dinner, and received a call saying, so sorry, but they won’t deliver for under $20. Our total came to $21. Blinkblink.