Road Trip, Part 3

Road trip, day 8. Observations: Arizona desert failed to live up to the heat stereotype. Back into winter jackets till we arrived in Cali. Stopped for gas at an old school store, where they eyed my husband suspiciously and asked how he’d found them. Uh…the gas icon on the gps.  Our bad? Pausing in SoCal till sat. Who’s house? Moms house! Lilly immediately leapt into her garden planters, trying to dig up the Swiss chard. We’ll work on that. Redirected her to the beach…

Road trip, day 9.  Observations:  Good to catch up with friends. Spotted: whale spouts and dolphins. Ocean = zen time. Kitchen conversations at moms house = hilarity.

Road trip, day 10. Observations: the chickens at moms house eat as well, or possibly better than the humans. Nutzo is the hot new healthy product in her kitchen…it’s a spread made of 5 different nuts, plus flax and chia seeds…I just like hearing her say Nutzo. One cannot just pick up any seashell off the beach…it needs to be of a certain standard. Buying pelmeni on Amazon is highly discouraged by Russians and Bulgarians. Homemade pizza is epic when the person making it knows what they’re doing. Watching my very petite mother accuse my very large husband of being a chicken will make me smirk repeatedly.


Road trip, day 11. Observations: hard to leave the bubble that is Del Mar…perfect weather, ocean, mom. She has artwork by me all over the house, from age 3 and up. Driving anywhere near L.A. would try the patience of a saint. Made it past, and settled in Paso Robles. No fireworks anywhere to be found. Long overdue dinner with Zina. Lilly is overjoyed to be reunited with Slinky. Slinky is indifferent and lords over us all.


Road Trip, Part 2

Road trip, day 4. Observations: Total tourist mode today. The tour guide thought the most interesting thing in the cemetery would be the resting place of Nicholas Cage, despite the fact he’s still alive. It was not. Much preferred the older, crumblier ones with the occasional leaf poking out. Ireland defeated Mexico in the genetic war for my complexion, so had to make a stop at CVS for sunscreen…the first thing you see when you walk into a New Orleans CVS is shelves and shelves of alcohol. I have a thing for scrolly ironwork and drippy vines (moms influence, I’m sure), so enjoyed the architecture. Had my obligatory beignet, and henna tattoo. Managed to convince my husband that no, we do NOT need an antique cannon to put in the bedroom. I’m more of a sword girl, really.

Road trip, day 5. Observations: Jonette, my Louisiana IHOP waitress needs to be promoted to CEO. Spunky older lady, bristling with efficiency even the most jaded of New Yorkers can appreciate. Rock on, lady. This was the least interesting day due to bad traffic, and hours of scraggly trees. Luckily, I’m easily amused and Louisiana signage was KILLING it today. “Meet Moby Foot Alligator.” Maybe next time. “Hook-ups!” I wondered if this was the billboard version of Tinder, but alas, they were referring to RVs. “Rent me!” Plastered on a giant dumpster, overflowing with trash. No thank you. I had gone two days without any sign of fireworks or adult superstores, but finally saw two of each today. My new comfort zone? Made it to Texas, and yes, did the BBQ thing for dinner…much better than chain places! The pup gobbled down the leftovers and thinks she won the lottery.

Road trip, day 6. Observations: I think Tim Burton designed some of the trees. Encountered the biggest fireworks store yet. Texas gas stations have beer caves. Saw many billboards advertising beaver nuggets…was mystified until I learned it’s a sweet corn puff snack. Husband is devastated that they aren’t made from real beaver. Turns out I don’t hate driving, I just hate other drivers anywhere near me and not going 80 on a gorgeous open highway. Desert winds are no joke. Invaded husbands navy friends house for the night. And took over their washing machine. Thanks Hollo and fam!


Road trip, day 7. Observations: cows, cows, and more cows. Several billboards advertising “The Thing” but we were rerouted so I still have no idea what it is. Raced the Union Pacific train and won. Naturally someone had to spray paint a penis on one of the cars. Super clever, bro. One of the prettiest days we’ve had so far…mountains, desert, sunset, etc. Texas may have had the biggest fireworks store, but New Mexico had the most. Settled in AZ, ordered dinner, and received a call saying, so sorry, but they won’t deliver for under $20. Our total came to $21. Blinkblink.


Road Trip Time

Left NYC and taking the long way to Seattle…all I have so far are quickie phone shots, but thought I’d share anyway.

Road trip, day 1. Observations: the fireworks store is open 24/7 all year round for your firework needs. The adult superstore sign is about 10 feet away from the church sign. Snow covered farms are indeed picturesque. Sorry manspreaders, and showtime pole dancers…I prefer the open road to the subway. Onward!


Road trip, day 2. Observations: don’t worry, fireworks are still plentiful. I never noticed how much I needed fresh air until I actually breathed some. Godsends include bananas and hand sanitizer. The more south you go, the cheaper the gas. Macaroni and cheese is under the vegetable section on the menu. Long rides are perfect for productive discussions. I kind of wanted to prank call the billboard that said “available” and a phone number. In conclusion, I’m shocked my husband didn’t try to trade the truck for the gorgeous custom build motorcycle we encountered.



Road trip, day 3. Observations: started in frost, ended up in T-shirt weather. Driving is not my favorite, especially when every 18 wheeler ever is on the road. Alabama skies are, in fact, so blue…but Skynard neglected to mention the traffic in Birmingham. Trees grow in ponds. Grossest thing on the trip so far? Jerky in the form of chewing tobacco…still marveling in horror over that one. Landed in New Orleans till Sunday. I learned you don’t have to flash anybody for dollar store beads…they get hurled directly onto your dinner plate…while you’re on a second story balcony. Any of those sportsball teams need a pitcher or whatever? I’ve got your guy. I kept the green beads, because the pink ones obviously had to go to the husband…